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Archive of best office practical jokes and other funny jokes

Golf Joke

There was a guy who was an avid golfer. He played golf every chance he got; in the rain, in the cold, he even used black balls to play when there was snow on the ground. His wife joked, half in jest, that she was a golf widow and she really wouldn't miss her husband all that much if he died before her, for he was never around anyhow. He spent all his spare money on golf items and gadgets; trick exploding balls, tees with no indentation on the top so the golf ball would roll off it, towels with witty golf sayings on them and all kinds of golf hats.

One night he was in bed asleep after having played 36-holes of golf that day. He was tired but he dreamed of replaying the whole round. Suddenly his dream was interrupted by the appearance of an angel. It was an angel like he had seen in Bible drawings and other art work depicting angels. He was instantly awake.

The angel, with a full set of wings and wearing a long flowing white robe, stood at the foot of his bed. 'John,' the angel said, for the man's name was John.

'Yes, what is it? You are an angel, aren't you?' John asked.
'Of course I'm an angel. You don't think I'd normally walk around in this silly costume, do you? In fact, I'm your guardian angel,' the angel replied.

'Does that mean I get three wishes?' John asked.

'No, I'm not that kind of guardian angel,' the heavenly being answered. 'As you know, John, you're getting on in years and you don't have as much time left on earth as you once did. Although I can't grant wishes for you, I can answer questions you might have about the hereafter. You do believe in the hereafter, don't you, John?'

'Oh yes and I've been good, with maybe the possible exception of having played too much golf in my lifetime,' John replied.

'Playing golf is like going fishing,' replied the angel. 'There is no such thing as playing too much golf or going fishing too often. Do you have any questions about heaven?'

'As a matter of fact, I do,' answered John. 'I've often wondered if there are any golf courses in heaven. Can you answer that question for me?'

'Gee, John, no one has ever asked me that question before. I'll have to go back and check on it. Go back to sleep and I'll be back in about 20 minutes. ' With that, the angel disappeared. John rubbed his eyes and opened them again. The angel was gone and John wondered if he had just had a weird dream. He rolled over on his side and was soon snoring softly again.

True to his word, the angel reappeared within 20 minutes. 'John,' the angel called.

John woke up to see the angel again standing at the foot of his bed. 'Oh, you're back. '

'Yes, John, I'm back and I have the answer to your question. But before I tell you, I have to advise that the answer is in two parts, good news and bad news. Which do you want first, the good news or the bad news?'

'Oh dear, I suppose give me the good news first,' responded John.
'Okay, the good news is there are golf courses in heaven. All the courses have been designed by Bobby Jones, Arnold Palmer and Jack Nicklaus. There are no greens fees and electric carts are provided at no charge. You have the choice of any brand of clubs you desire. Each course has 36-holes. The greens are always freshly mowed, the sand traps freshly raked, the roughs aren't too high and you never lose a ball in the water for the balls float. When you hit a ball into the woods they always ricochet back into the middle of the fairway. And on every par three hole you will score a hole-in-one. Yes, you will have a wonderful time playing golf in heaven. '

'Oh, that sounds wonderful. With all that good news what could the bad news possibly be?' John wondered aloud.

'The bad news is you have a nine o'clock tee time tomorrow morning. '

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