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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of best momma jokes and other funny jokes |
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Blonde Joke - 3
Q: Why do blondes put rulers on their foreheads? A: They want to measure their intelligence.
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Very Silly Joke
An 80-year-old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. 'I've never been better!' he replies. 'I've got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?'The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, 'Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. 'So he's in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appears in front of him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the bear, and squeezes the handle. The bear drops dead in front of him, suffering from a bullet wound in his its chest. ''That's impossible! Someone else must have shot that bear, ' the man said. 'Exactly, ' replies the Doc.
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Legal Humor
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to aneighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer. Incensedat the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said, 'Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liablefor the cost of the meat?' The lawyer replied, 'Of course, how muchwas the roast?' '$7. 98. ' A few days later the butcher received acheck in the mail for $7. 98. Attached to it was an invoice that read:'Legal Consultation Service: $150. '
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Lawyer Joke
The National Institute of Health (NIH) announced last week that they were going to start using lawyers instead of rats in their experiments. Naturally, the American Bar Association was outraged and filed suit. Yet, the NIH presented some very good reasons for the switch. 1. The lab assistants were becoming very attached to their little rats. This emotional involvement was interfering with the research being conducted. No such attachment could form for a lawyer. 2. Lawyers breed faster and are in much greater supply. 3. Lawyers are much cheaper to care for and the humanitarian societies won't jump all over you no matter what you're studying. 4. There are some things even a rat won't do.
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Father Joke
The teacher wrote on the blackboard: 'I ain't had no fun in months. ' Then asked the class, 'How should I correct this sentence?'
Little Johnny raised his had and replied, 'Get yourself a new boyfriend. '
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Real Life Joke
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. February '1
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Computing Joke
Actual dialog of a former Customer Support employee: Support: 'Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?' Customer: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect. ' Support: 'What sort of trouble?' Customer: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away. ', Support: 'Went away?' Customer:'They disappeared. ' Support: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?' Customer: 'Nothing. ' Support: 'Nothing?' Customer: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type. ' Support: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?' Customer: 'How do I tell?' Support: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?' Customer: 'What's a sea-prompt?' Support: 'Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?' Customer: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type. ' Support: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator?' Customer: 'What's a monitor?' Support: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?' Customer: 'I don't know. ' Support: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?' Customer: . . . . . . 'Yes, I think so. ' Support: 'Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. ' Customer: . . . . . . 'Yes, it is. ' Support: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?' Customer: 'No. ' Support: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable. ' Customer: . . . . . . 'Okay, here it is. ' Support: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer. ' Customer: 'I can't reach. ' Support: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?' Customer: 'No. ' Support: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?' Customer:'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark. ' Support: 'Dark? Customer: 'Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window. ' Support: 'Well, turn on the office light then. ' Customer:'I can't. ' Support: 'No? Why not?' Customer: 'Because there's a power outage. ' Support: 'A power. . . A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?' Customer: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet. ' Support: 'Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from. ' Customer: 'Really? Is it that bad?' Support: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is. ' Customer: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?' Support: 'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer. '
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Knock Knock Joke - 1
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Adolf.
Adolf who?
Adolph ball hit me in de mouwf. Dat's why I dawk dis way.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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