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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of belated birthday jokes and other funny jokes |
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Joke for Halloween
There was a blonde and a brunette watching the 10:00 news. A news reporter was in the foreground, giving a report. In the background there was a man and a bridge. 'I'll bet you 50 bucks that the guy jumps off of the bridge, ' the brunette said to the blonde. 'Okay, it's a bet. ' A moment later, the man did jump off the bridge and the blonde pulled out 50 dollars. 'I can't take it. ' 'You have to, it was a bet. ' 'I really can't take it. You see, I watched the 6:00 news and saw him jump then. ' The brunette was feeling very humble at this point. And the blonde said. . . 'Well, I watched it too, but I didn't think he'd jump twice!'
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Miscellaneous Joke
Q:What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 lbs. Q:What is the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes. Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman? A: Sexual harassment. Q:What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man? A: $ 3. 99 a minute.
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Blonde Joke - 3
Q: Why do Blondes wear padded shoulders? A: So they don't get a concussion while bobbing their from head side to side as they are saying 'I don't know?' whenever you ask them a question.
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Military Joke
This is Army policy all begins. . . Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the Banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water. After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result - all the apes are sprayed with cold water. Continue until, when another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes try to prevent it. Now, turn off the cold water. Now, remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted. Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm. Again, replace a third original ape with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape. After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes which have been sprayed with cold water have been replaced. Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs. Why not?'Because that's the way it's always been around here. 'That's how Army policy begins. . .
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Bumper Stickers - 3
He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
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Horse Joke
What is the difference between a horse and a duck? One goes quick and the other goes quack!
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Children Joke
It was the first day of school and a new student named Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, 'Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?' She saw a sea of blankfaces, except for Martinez, who had his hand up. 'Patrick Henry, 1775. ' 'Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for thepeople, shall not perish from the earth''? Again, no response except from Martinez: 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863. ', saidMartinez. The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Martinez, who is new to our country, knows more about its history thanyou do. ' She heard a loud whisper: 'Screw the Mexicans. ''Who said that?' she demanded. Martinez put his hand up. 'Jim Bowie, 1836. ' At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke. ' The teacher glares and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?' Again, Martinez says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991. ' Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!' Martinez jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to theteacher, 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!' Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, 'You little shit. If yousay anything else, I'll kill you. ' Martinez frantically yells at the top of his voice, 'Gary Condit toChandra Levy 2001. ' The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble!' Martinez said, 'Saddam Hussein 2003. '
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Telephone Joke
How does a cheerleader answer the phone? H-E-L-L-O!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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