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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of bayliss haines and strange and other funny jokes |
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Funny Joke
You're so stupid that when police tell you that you broke the speed limit, you offer to fix it.
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Joke for Halloween
It was the stir of the town when an 80 year old man married a 20 year old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying, 'This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?'He answered, ' You've got to keep that old motor running. 'The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said, 'You really are amazing. How do you do it?'He again said, 'You've got to keep the old motor running. 'The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, 'You must be quite a man. 'He responded, 'You've got to keep that old motor running. 'The nurse then said, 'Well, you had better change the oil. This one's black!'
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Bar Joke - 2
There was a man that was stranded, standing on nothing but a rock in the middle of the sea, waiting for someone to come. Then along comes a boat. The man on the boat asks 'do you want any help?' Man on the rock replies 'no- the Lord will save me'-so then the man on the boat went away. A helicopter then came and asked him 'do you want any help?' The man replied 'no - the Lord will save me!' Then along comes another man on a boat and asks 'do you want any help?' and he said 'no-the Lord will save me'. By this stage he was up to his neck in water. He then drowned. He was at the holy gates and asked St. Peter 'why didn't the Lord save me????' St. Peter said' he sent you 2 boats a helicpter-what more do you want!?'
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Kids Puns
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on280. Please be careful!''Hell, ' said Herman, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'
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Sport Joke
Why didn't the dog want to play football ? It was a boxer !
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Medical Joke
Fred DingalingA local law enforcement officer stops a car for traveling faster thanthe posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that day he decides to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead ofa ticket. So, he asks the man his name. 'Fred, ' he replies. 'Fred what?' the officer asks. 'Just Fred, ' the man responds. When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that heused to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks he has a nutcase on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?'The man replies, 'It's a long story so stay with me. I was born FredDingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all thetime. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades. When Igot older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went throughcollege, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD. 'After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back toschool. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got mydegree so I was now Fred Dingaling MD DDS. Got bored doing dentistry soI started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I wasFred Dingaling MD DDS with VD. 'Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I wasFred Dingaling MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA takingaway my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me asFred Dingaling with VD. 'Then the VD took away my dingaling so now I'm just Fred. 'The officer let him go without even a warning.
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Humorous Joke
Once Upon A Time, there was a married woman, and she was not happy about her sex life, so she goes to see her doctor about it. Her doctor gives her some pills and tells her to put one in her husband's glass of water before going to sleep and then HAVE FUN. The woman comes back home and tries it the first night. She puts one pill in her husband's glass of water. And that night they have sex. The next night, the woman was happy but not quite content yet, decides to use two pills. That night their love making was even better then the night before. So the third night she decided that if two pills was great, then she would put all the pills in the glass of water. A week later, the doctor calls her house and asks: 'Hello, how's the whole family doing??'The son, who answered the phone, answers: 'Well, my Mom's dead, my Sister's pregnant, My ass hurts and my Dad is running around naked outside screaming, 'Here KITTY KITTY'. '
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Dirty Joke
Q: What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it? A: a $20 bill
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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