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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of batman fun and games and other funny jokes |
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Election Joke
A lady bought a new $100,000 Mercedes and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station. She immediately turned around and headed back to the dealer.
Once at the dealer, she found her salesman and began to excitedly explain that her radio was not working, and they must replace it since she only had one radio station. The salesman calmed her down and told her that her car radio was voice-activated, and that she would only need to state aloud the type of music that she wanted and the car would find it.
She got into the car and started the engine and then said the word 'country,' and the radio changed to a station playing a George Strait song. She was satisfied and started home. After a while she decided to try out the radio and said 'rock 'n' roll;' the radio station changed and a song by the Rolling Stones came from the speakers. Quite pleased, the woman continued driving.
A few blocks from her house, another driver ran a light causing her to slam on her brakes to avoid a collision. The woman angrily exclaimed, 'Asshole!'
. . . The radio cut over to George Bush's press conference.
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Easy to Remember Joke
YOUR MOMMA IS SO FAT WHEN SHE FELL IN THE GRAND CANYON SHE GOT STUCK HALF WAY DOWN
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Random Joke
Bad Jokes The following riddles and jokes were made up by BADJOKE. EXE, an MS-DOSprogram. You probably haven't heard most of them. Please try not to laughtoo hard and feel free to flame as much as you like--we are all likepassengers on the deck of the Titanic discussing what we're going to do whenwe get to shore. How can you tell when a mechanic has been behind your nuclear warhead?There are nubile lambchops all over your pizza!How can you tell when a pope has been coming towards your spaceship?There are laughing travelling salesmen in your banana!How do you get 100 gargoyles into a nuclear warhead?Throw in a lawn sprinkler!Why do motorcycles fold born-again eyeballs?To diaper their skyscrapers!Why do policemen have toilets?So that yaks will disobey them!What do you get when you cross a Barbie doll and a banana?An angry nurse!What did the Democrat say to the kettle drum?'Ignore my eyeball, you square baby!'What did the finger say ot the lawn sprinkler?'Enlist my meatgrinder, you born-again cockroach!'How can you tell when a water cooler has been beside your mule?There are schizophrenic bathtubs all over your skyscraper!Why do nuclear warheads have televisions?So that photocopiers will interrogate them!Who was that baby I saw you with last night?That was no baby, that was my senator!What do a hot toddler and a fossilized kneecap have in common?The both eat flying hairballs!When is a toothbrush not a toothbrush?When it's a flabby cornfield!What do you call a garbageman who has married milkmen beside him?A Communist!Waiter, there's a cranberry near my polar ice cap!Shhh! Everyone will want one!Why do yaks have fingers?So that Hare Krishnas will break them!How do you get 100 horses into a drainpipe?Throw in a teapot!What do you get when you cross an escalator and a grandmother?A thirsty spatula!What do a lovesick armadillo and a grouchy tank have in common?They both smash lazy lollipops!Why do popes bathe automatic horses?To satisfy their SubGeniuses!What time is it when a kettle drum steals your senator?Time to get a new senator!What do a married shark and a left-handed pocketwatch have in common?They both visit hi-rise armadillos!What do you call a guru who has yawning armadillos inside him?A violin!Why do ex-convicts have televisions?So that toilets will dissect them!How do you get 100 beds into a Barbie doll?Throw in a toenail!When is a cornfield not a cornfield?When it's a worthless whale!How can you tell when a senator has been inside your bed?There are hi-rise parking tickets up against your toilet!Why do TV repairmen have beds?So that VCRs will visit them!When is a pencil sharpener not a pencil sharpener?When it's a religious milk shake!What do a green photocopier and a gaudy farmer have in common?They both buy yellow prunes!Why do armadillos have babies?So that snakes will steal them!What do a greedy teapot and a housebroken phonebook have in common?They both stall born-again BMWs!What did the toothbrush say to the sloth?'Smash my horse, please!'How do you get 100 bums into a hovercraft?Throw in a vicar!What did the toenail say to the cookie jar?'Disobey my eyelid, you drunk landmine!'Why did the Hare Krishna marry his cornfield?To enshrine its solar-powered parking ticket!When is an insurance salesman not an insurance salesman?When he's a beautiful grandmother!What do a mellow puppy and an overworked shark have in common?They both toast gold-plated giraffes!What do you get when you cross a skyscraper and a TV repairman?A holographic chicken!What time is it when a fly swatter touches your toothbrush?Time to get a new toothbrush!Why do demons have aerobics instructors?So that ostriches will cross-examine them!What do you call a waitress who has brain-damaged pianos on her?A lima bean!What do an awe-inspiring fly swatter and a cheap flea have in common?They both bounce wacky gods!What time is it when a SubGenius cross-examines your kneecap?Time to get a new kneecap!Why do grandmothers enshrine hyperactive sharks?To befriend their prunes!Why do toddlers have gargoyles?So that forks will marry them!
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Clean Humor
You know how Princess Diana and Mother Theresa died around about the same time? Well they both went up to heaven. St. Peter met them at the entrance to the pearly gates. He said 'You both must show me something to prove your worth, going into heaven. 'Mother Theresa went first. She walked up to St. Peter and lifted her habit and flashed her breasts at him. He said 'okay. Princess Di?'Princess Di smiled and walked over into the corner, did a squat and pissed. St. Peter gave it careful consideration. Finally he decided. 'Princess Di. You're in. Sorry Mother Theresa, but a Royal Flush, beats two of a kind!!!!!'
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Bar Joke , beer, booze and fun!
One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried. 'What's the matter?' the bartender asks. 'My wife and I got into a fight, ' explained the guy 'and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days. ' The bartender thought about this for a while. 'But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?' asked the bartender. 'Yeah, except today is the last night. '
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Answer me this Joke
If we are a country committed to free speech, then why do we have phone bills?
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Cow Joke
Where did the mooron take the baby cow to eat? To the calf-ateria!
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Blonde Joke - 3
Q: Why did the blonde keep a empty carton of milk in the fridge? A: In case she wanted black coffee.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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