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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of bassoon jokes and other funny jokes |
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Idiot and fool Joke
According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U. S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated, 'Wash. Biol. Surv. ' until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper: 'Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible. '
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Police Joke
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, 'Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache. ' 'Certainly, honey, ' he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, 'Say, ' said the druggist, 'I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?' 'Yeah, so?' said the officer. 'Well what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?'
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Joke for Halloween
A hospital patient, recovering from minor surgery, was being given an alcohol rubdown by two of the hospital's more attractive nurses. While manipulating the man's body they noted that the word 'tiny' was tattooed on the head of his penis. Some months after the man's discharge, Mary, one of the nurses, tod Joan, the other, that she had dated their former patient. 'How could you go out with a man that had 'tiny' tattooed on his love stick?' exclaimed Joan. 'How could I indeed!' said Mary. 'It said 'tiny' when it was soft, but when aroused, it spelled:'Tiny's Delicatessen & Catering Service. We deliver at all times, twenty-four hours a day!!!''
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Redneck Joke
This kid walks into the pharmacy: 'I've a hot date tonight, a sure thing, and my buddies said you could fix me up for it. ''What do you want?' 'Well, it's a hot date, man. A sure thing? You know. . . ' 'What do you want?' 'I need some protection, alright??!?!' 'What size?' 'Size? I dunno. . . Whatever is considered average I guess. ' 'That'll be $2. 35 including tax. ' 'Tacks?! Tacks?! I thought they stayed on by themselves!'
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Money Joke
A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5. 00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5. '00
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Mental health Joke
Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night's sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different. A few weeks later, Joe's former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful. 'Doc!' Joe says, 'It's amazing! I'm cured!' 'That's great news!' the psychoanalyst says. 'you seem to be doing much better. How?' 'I went to see another doctor, ' Joe says enthusiastically, 'and he cured me in just ONE session!' 'One?!' the psychoanalyst asks incredulously. 'Yeah, ' continues Joe, 'my new doctor is a behaviorist. ' 'A behaviorist?' the psychoanalyst asks. 'How did he cure you in one session?' 'Oh, easy, ' says Joe. 'He told me to cut the legs off of my bed. '
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Joke for Halloween
- Her 8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses 9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale 9:30 Light Breakfast 11:00 Sunbathe 12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe 1:45 Shopping 2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs 3:00 Facial,
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Police Joke
Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks. 'I'm sorry sir, ' the first trooper told the driver, 'but I am still going to have to write you a ticket. ' Amazed, the driver asked for what. The trooper replied, 'Tacks evasion. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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