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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of barry island fun fair and other funny jokes |
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Computer Joke
Tech Support: 'Which format are the images you send?' Customer: 'Rectangular, 15x11 centimeters. '
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Space Joke
What did the astronaut see on his skillet? Unidentified frying (flying) objects.
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Horse Joke
Did you hear about the man who named his horse Radish?
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Joke for Kids
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, 'Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill. 'The customer replies, 'I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. . . When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home. '
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Joke for Dummies
It was New Year's Eve . . . by then, actually, it was very early on New Year's morning. The drunk staggered out of the men's room and wobbled his way to the bar. 'I, uh, lll. . . , I'll ha-have anudder. Maske itta dubble. ' The bartender looks him over and notices the vomit staining the front of the drunk's sharp looking suit. 'Buddy, it looks to me like you've had quite enough. Why don't you call it a night and go home. 'The drunk protests. . . 'N-n-no! I ca-can't. My, my wife, you, you see. . . She gammie this new shoot for Chrishmash. Iff she seez what Ife done to it. . . She, she's gunna kill m-me. Juss gimmie a doubble. . . ''Tell you what, ' the bartender says. 'You got any 20 dollar bills on you?'The drunk pulls out his wallet and thumbs through and replies. . . 'Y-yeah, I got a few. . . . ' The bartender takes one of the twenties and stuffs it in the shirt pocket of the poor drunk. 'There you go buddy. When your wife asks you what happened, you just tell here that you were innocently passing by the bar on your way home when some boozer staggers out, holds onto you, and barfs all over you. He then apologizes and shoves a twenty in your pocket so you can get the suit dry cleaned!''B-br-brilliant!', the drunk exclaims excitedly. 'Thish jush might w-work!'The drunk goes home and sure enough, his wife is waiting up for him, rolling pin in hand. 'Look at you! You're a disgrace! Look at what you've done to your new suit!''N-no hunnybunsh, ' the drunk stammers. . . 'Y-you see, I was juss passing by the b-ba-bar when this drunken sod stumbles out, b-ba-bar-barfs all over me, and then he shoved a twenty dollar bill in my pocket, he sez, so I, I can get my suit drykleened. . . 'The wife looks in the drunk's pocket and pulls out the money. 'Wait a minute. . . ' the wife says, 'there are TWO twenty dollar bills in your pocket. 'The drunk reels, regroups, and explains. . . 'Wha-wha. . . Well thass because after he puked on me, he . . . he took a crap in my pants!'
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Bumper Stickers - 4
I DON'T DRINK IT DULLS THE DRUGS.
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Joke for Kids
Tech Support hotlines are not easy work, you get calls from all sorts of idiotic users that apparently can't read a manual, or lack common sense. Here is a transcript of just one such case:Caller 'Hello is this Packard Bell Tech support?'Tech 'Yes how can I help you?'Caller 'The cup holder on front of my computer broke off and it is still under warranty, how do I go about getting it fixed?' Tech 'Excuse, you've stumped me. How did you get this cup holder, was it part of some promotion?'Caller 'It came with the computer, I don't know of any promotion. 'Tech 'Does it have any markings on it, any names, any symbols?'Caller 'Yes, it says 4X!'
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College Humor
Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed, and they go to the fridge.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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