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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of barney fun and games and other funny jokes |
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Spoof Joke
Should you receive a document with any of the following viruses, you must immediately open the window and throw out your computer. I repeat, do not ever again use your computer should it be infected with ANY of these horrible viruses. 1. Freudian VirusYour computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard. Or becomes very jealous of the size of your friend's hard drive. 2. Lorena Bobbit VirusTurns your hard disk into a 3. 5 inch floppy. 3. Tonya Harding VirusTurns your . BAT files into lethal weapons. 4. Paul Revere VirusWarns of an impending virus infection: 1 if by LAN, 2 if by C:5. Hillary Rodham Clinton VirusInstantly turns 1K of disk space into 1 Meg. 6. Ollie North VirusPlays a patriotic . WAV while it shreds your files. 7. Joey Buttafuaco VirusOnly attacks minor files. 8. Ronald Reagan VirusSaves your data, but forgets where it's stored. 9. Jane Fonda VirusAttacks your hard drive's FAT. 10. Oprah Winfrey VirusYour 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB. 11. AT&T VirusEvery three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. 12. MCI VirusEvery three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus. 13. Politically Correct VirusNever calls itself a 'virus, ' but instead refers to itself as an 'electronic microorganism. '14. Ross Perot VirusActivates every component in your system, just before the whole darn thing quits. 15. Arnold Schwarzenegger VirusTerminates and stays resident. It'll be back. 16. Government Economist VirusNothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. 17. Federal Bureaucrat VirusDivides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer. 18. Adam and Eve VirusTakes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer. 19. Congressional Virus #1The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem. 20. Congressional Virus #2Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything. 21. Airline VirusYou're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore. 22. PBS VirusYour computer stops every few minutes to ask for money. 23. Jimmy Hoffa VirusYour programs can never be found again. 24. LAPD VirusIt claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in 'self-defense. '25. O. J. VirusIt claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your files and vows to find the virus that did it. CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED!!!!!
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Funny Joke
She has a pretty little head-- for a head, it's pretty little.
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Criminal Joke
What do you call a mayfly with a criminal tendencies ? Baddy long legs !
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Horse Joke
Why did the boy stand behind the horse? He thought he might get a kick out of it!
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Humor Joke
A magician was employed by a Shipping Line to entertain the passengers during cruises. The captain owned a parrot which always insisted on being part of the acts put on by the magician. He would perch on the edge of the stage and screech, 'He does it with a mirror' or 'He's got it up his sleeve. ' The magician was furious, but since the bird was a favorite with the captain and he was anxious to retain his position for future cruises, he maintained an angry silence. One evening as the magician worked, the parrot continued to harass the unfortunate man. Sadly the ship ran into a mine which had become detached from the sea floor after a storm. The explosion tore the bow off the ship which sank within a few minutes. Amid the wreckage and the lifeboats, the magician sat on one end of a table from the first class dining room. At the other end sat the parrot, dirty and disheveled, his feathers caked with f uel oil. For some time they eyed each other malevolently saying nothing. Finally the parrot shook himself and advanced across the table. He fixed the magician with a beady eye. 'Okay, I give up, ' he squawked. 'What did you do with the ship?'
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Bar Joke - 1
One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried. 'What's the matter?' the bartender asks. 'My wife and I got into a fight, ' explained the guy 'and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days. ' The bartender thought about this for a while. 'But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?' asked the bartender. 'Yeah, except today is the last night. '
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Totally Weird Joke
Why do a married man and his single male friend envy each other?Each one thinks the other is having sex more often.
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Naughty Joke
A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the good news with someone. The gentleman sitting next to her seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with. Sir, she said, I just received the best news you could ever imagine. I have to share it with someone or I'll bust. She told him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant. The man shared her enthusiam as he shared his expierence. He said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens laying eggs. He stated that he went out to the hen house one morning and all of his hens had layed eggs. He was so happy. he added, 'but confidentially, I changed cocks. 'The newly pregnant woman responded, 'Confidentially, me too. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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