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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of backyard comedy and other funny jokes |
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School Joke
Teacher: What's you name ?
Pupil: Fred
Teacher: You should say 'Sir'
Pupil: OK, Sir Fred !
Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of
Pupil: Life imprisonment !
Teacher: Name four members of the cat family
Pupil: Daddy cat, mummy cat and two kittens !
Teacher: What is further away, Australia or the Moon ?
Pupil: Australia, you can see the Moon at night !
Teacher: Fred can you find me Australia on the map please ?
Pupil: There it is
Teacher: Now, Louise, who discovered Australia ?
Pupil: Fred did !
Pupil: I wished we lived in the olden days
Teacher: Why is that ?
Pupil: We wouldn't have so much history to learn !
Teacher: What kind of birds do you find in captivity?
Pupil: Jailbirds !
Teacher: What is the plural of mouse ?
Pupil: Mice
Teacher: Good, now what's the plural of baby ?
Pupil: Twins !
Teacher: What's the longest word in the English language ?
Pupil: Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters !
Teacher: I despair, Fred, how do you manage to get so many things wrong in a day ?
Pupil: Because I always get here early sir !
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Frog Joke
Q: What do you call a frog with no hind legs? A: Unhoppy!!
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Dumb Blonde Joke
Q: What's the differenc between a blond and a mosquito?A: A mosquito stops sucking once you whack it.
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Mixed Joke
Dictionary of Evaluation Comments Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out. AVERAGE: Not too bright. EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date. ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily. ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated. CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law. UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: Will stick with us until retirement. QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors. TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited. TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPERTUNITY TO PROGRESS: Buys drinks for superiors. INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION: Knows more than superiors. STERN DISCIPLINARIAN: A real jerk. TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS: Knows when to keep mouth shut. APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: Finds someone else to do the job. A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused. NOT A DESK PERSON: Did not go to college. EXPRESSES SELF WELL: Can string two sentences together. SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB: Miserable home life. CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL: Scared. METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL: A nitpicker. DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP: Has a loud voice. JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND: Lucky. MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE: A snob. KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR: Knows lots of dirty jokes. STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES: Stubborn. GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE: A coward. SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE: Stupid. OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION: Turns in work on time. IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL: Wanted by no-one else. ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS: An office gossip. REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT: Lazy and hard-headed. HARD WORKER: Usually does it the hard way. ENJOYS JOB: Needs more to do. HAPPY: Paid too much. WELL ORGANIZED: Does too much busywork. COMPETENT: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps. CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN: Annoying. WILL GO FAR: Relative of management. SHOULD GO FAR: Please. USES TIME EFFECTIVELY: Clock watcher. VERY CREATIVE: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work. USES RESOURSES WELL: Delegates everything. DESERVES PROMOTION: Create new title to make h/h feel appreciated.
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Stupid Blonde Joke
This blonde goes into the drugstore looking for a birthday card. Sheasks the clerk if they have any new and different cards -- somethingunusual. The clerk points her to a new card just in that day -- 'HappyBirthday to the Boy who Popped My Cherry. 'The blonde replied, 'How cool! I'll take the whole box!'
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Real Life Joke
he following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Los Angeles Times, November 24:Banning, Blythe and Barstow no longer qualify as 'distressed' cities under federal guidelines, nor do Adelanto, Lake Elsinore, or Loma Linda. But Beverly Hills does. According to a new U. S. Department of Housing and Urban Development list, Beverly Hills can apply for about $56 million a year in business development grants reserved for small cities suffering 'physical and economic distress. '
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Animal World
What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?'Look, a herd of elephants in the distance'What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglassesin the distance?Nothing. He doesn't recognize them. What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?'Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!'
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Dirty Joke
Q: Why did the blonde guy put ice in his condom? A: To keep the swelling down.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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