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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of april fools jokes and pranks and other funny jokes |
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Ethnic Joke - 1
Q: How many Ethiopians does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Three. One to change it and two to squabble over who gets to eat the packaging.
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Idiot and fool Joke
What did the stupid ghost do? He used to climb over walls.
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Doctor, Doctor I'm boiling up! Just simmer down!
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Computer Joke
Mum, Mum, Dad's broken my computer! How did he do that? I dropped it on his head.
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Military Joke
The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them. The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked, 'Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?' The young man looks at him and says, 'I'm a pilot!' The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, 'Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!' The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, 'What skills to you bring to the Air Force?' The young man says, 'I chop wood!' 'Son, ' the general replies, 'we don't need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?' 'I chop wood!' 'Young man, ' huffs the general, 'you are not listening to me, we don't need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!' 'Well, ' the young man says, 'you hired my brother!' 'Of course we did, ' says the general, 'he's a pilot!' The young man rolls his eyes and says, 'So what! I have to chop it before he can pile it!'
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Worlds Best Joke
I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I have seven, but one which was baptized on a half sheet of paper. I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited by the clergy regularly. I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why?I am glad to report that my husband who was missing is dead. This is my ninth child. What are you going to do about it?Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can't eat or do anything until he knows for sure. I am very annoyed to find you have branded my son illiterate. This is as dirty lie, as I was married a week before he was born. In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing ten pounds. I hope this is satisfactory. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and three children, one of which is a mistake as you can see. My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago and I haven't had any relief since. What are you going to do about it?Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon I will be forced to lead an immortal life. You have changed my little boy to a little girl. Will this make any difference. I have no children yet as my husband is a truck driver and works day and night. In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope. I want my money as quick as I can get it. I've been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things do not improve, I will have to send for another doctor.
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Totally Weird Joke
Bartender looks down to the end of the bar and sees a guy with his head down who hasn't touched his drink for over a half an hour. He heads over to talk to him. Bartender: 'Hey pal, is something wrong?'The Guy: 'Yeah, I'm really depressed'Bartender: 'Why, what's the matter?'The Guy: 'I caught my wife in bed with my best friend'Bartender: 'Wow, that's horrible. What did you do?'The Guy: 'I kicked her out of the house, sent her packing, it's over' Bartender: 'That's pretty drastic, what did you do to your best friend?'The Guy: 'I sat him down, tied him up, looked him straight in the eye and said, Bad Dog! Bad Dog!'
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Joke of the Day
He does not have a FAT BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY. He is not a CRAP DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS. He does not SLEEP AROUND - He is HORIZONTALLY OVER-GENEROUS. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION. He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He is a SWINE EMPATHIZING BIGOT. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED. He does not STINK - He has HYGIENE AVERSION SYNDROME. He is not a GROPING PERVERT - He suffers from COMPULSIVE HAND MOVEMENT DISORDER. He is not OBSESSED WITH TELEVISED SPORTS - He has AN ATHLETIC TELEVISUAL ADDICTION. He does not IGNORE YOU - He has ATTENTION SPAN DEFICIT DISORDER. He is not a LAZY, MESSY SLOB - He LACKS HAND-VACUUM COORDINATION. He does not tell ENDLESS, BORING, UNFUNNY JOKES - He is HUMORLY OVER-CONFIDENT. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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