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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of april 1st jokes and other funny jokes |
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Humorous Joke
Bits of information to help you through the day:If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig!)Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Still not over that pig thing!)Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always smiling? And, why isn't the pig included here?)The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmm. . . . . )The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. From drinking little bottles of. . . ?) (Did the gov't pay for this research??)Polar bears are left handed. (I'm sure glad somebody found that out!)A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, before it starves to death. ( So my ex-husband WAS a cockroach after all!)The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ('Honey, I'm home! What the. . . . ')Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (In my next life I still want to be a pig. . . quality over quantity!)Butterflies taste with their feet. (hmmm. . . chocolate. . . doh!. . . not chocolate, not chocolate! BAD DOG!)An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that. )Starfish don't have any brains. (. . . and are now employed at JokesGalore. com!)Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown. BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and smack the jerk upside the head.
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Humorous Joke
There once was a German schoolteacher. She went to England to teach. When she arrived at the boardinghouse, she wanted to use the bathroom of the Water Closet. She sent a note with a messenger boy to the host asking where the WC was, thinking that the house knew what WC stood for. When the host recieved the letter, he wrote a response thinking that the WC was the Wayside Chapel. He reponse read: The WC is 3 miles away. My wife has been sick for a while, so she was not able to go for 3 years. The WC can hold up to 300 people at one time. The people complained about the hard wooden seats so instead soft, plush seats were made. I have reserved for you the best seat where EVERYONE can see you!
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Situation Joke
Prostitute walks into a bar and asks the bar man for two Bacardi's and coke. Bar man serves her and notices that she drinks one and empties the other one down her panties. Now this happened another three times and thebar man was getting rather curious. The bar man nicely questions her and asks her why she is drinking one Barcardi and coke and throwing the other one down her panties. She replies, 'I just won the lottery and that's theonly cunt getting a drink out of me tonight!'
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Sporting Joke
Little Billy rushed home after his Little League game, threw open the door and was jumping up and down with excitement. 'How was the game, son? How did you do?' asked his father, who was unable to attend the game. 'You aren't going to believe it, Dad,' Billy exclaimed, 'I was responsible for the winning run!' 'That's wonderful,' his dad said. 'How did you do that?' 'I dropped the bat!'
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Telephone Joke
What did the man say when he got a big phone bill? 'Who said talk is cheap?'
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Business Joke
The program manager couldn't grasp the idea of gathering requirements at the start of a project. 'At a project kickoff meeting, which he had neglected to actually invite the customer to, we had a lot of discussion around what the software we were creating was supposed to do,' says a programmer on the team. 'I suggested putting together a requirements teleconference with the customer to clarify their ideas and goals. ' PM's response? 'I was told we were already behind schedule and didn't have time to meet with the customer. '
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Dumb Men Joke
Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?A: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!
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Car and train Joke
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!' 'Hell, ' said Herman, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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