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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of any fun games and other funny jokes |
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Legal Humor
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?How many can you afford?
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Bar Joke - 2
Mr. Jones, upon returning from a business trip was shocked to find his wife in bed with a stranger. The nude stranger was sprawled over the bed asleep. 'You rotten bastard!' yelled the husband. . . 'I'm going to kill you!''Wait!, said Mrs. Jones'. You know that fur coat I got last winter?Well, he gave it to me. And that diamond ring we sold for $1000's?Well, he gave it to me. And remember when we couldn't aford a new car and I came home one day with a brand new chevy? Well, he gave it to me. After hearing all this, Mr. Jones exclaims. . . 'For heaven sake woman, it's drafty in here. ''Cover him so he doesn't catch cold!'
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War Joke
MESSAGE FROM THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON TO THE BRITISH FOREIGN OFFICE IN LONDON-- written from Central Spain, August 1812 Gentlemen, Whilst marching from Portugal to a position which commands the approach to Madrid and the French forces, my officers have been diligently complying with your requests which have been sent by H. M. ship from London to Lisbon and thence by dispatch to our headquarters. We have enumerated our saddles, bridles, tents and tent poles, and all manner of sundry items for which His Majesty's Government holds me accountable. I have dispatched reports on the character, wit, and spleen of every officer. Each item and every farthing has been accounted for, with two regrettable exceptions for which I beg your indulgence. Unfortunately the sum of one shilling and ninepence remains unaccounted for in one infantry battalion's petty cash and there has been a hideous confusion as the number of jars of raspberry jam issued to one cavalry regiment during a sandstorm in western Spain. This reprehensible carelessness may be related to the pressure of circumstance, since we are war with France, a fact which may come as a bit of a surprise to you gentlemen in Whitehall. This brings me to my present purpose, which is to request elucidation of my instructions from His Majesty's Government so that I may better understand why I am dragging an army over these barren plains. I construe that perforce it must be one of two alternative duties, as given below. I shall pursue either one with the best of my ability, but I cannot do both: 1. To train an army of uniformed British clerks in Spain for the benefit of the accountants and copy-boys in London or perchance. 2. To see to it that the forces of Napoleon are driven out of Spain. Your most obedient servant, Wellington
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Yo momma Joke
Yo mama's so fat when she takes a bath she fills the tub then turns on the water.
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Miscellaneous Joke
What do you call an eternity?Four blondes in four cars at a four way stop. Why do blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?Toes Go In FirstThree blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours, they saw a sign that said 'Disneyland left. ' So they turned around and went home. What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?You always hear about them but never see them. What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?Oh, look, Daddy. . . . doughnut seeds!Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?Because it said concentrate. Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?They think their picture is being taken. How can you tell when a blonde sends you a fax? It has a stamp on it. Why can't blondes dial 911?They can't find the 11 on the phone. What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!How can you tell if a blonde's been using your computer?There is white-out all over the monitor. Why shouldn't blondes have coffee breaks?It takes too long to retrain them. A blonde and a brunnette were walking outside when the brunnette said, 'Oh, look at the dead bird. ' The blonde looked skyward and said, 'Where? Where?'How do you drown a blonde?Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool. Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one?You have to hollow out the head. How do you get a twinkle in a blonde's eye?Shine a flashlight in her ear. Hear about the blonde who got an AM radio?Took her a month to figure out she could play it at night. What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey team?They drowned during spring training. What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?'Duh! Look! They spelled Macy's wrong!'How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?Tell her a joke on Tuesday. Why are blonde's boobs always square?Because they forget to take the kleenex out of the box.
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School Joke for Kids
What did the fish say when it swam into the concrete wall?'Dam. '
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At Work Joke
Young man Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said, 'Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job. 'Murphy: 'And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job!'Manager: 'We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed. 'Murphy: 'And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?'Manager: 'Simple. The American put down on question # '5
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Religion Joke
Visual joke. :Stand with both arms outstreached level with your shoulders. Ask: 'what's this?' - A really crappy way to spend Easter.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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