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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of answering messages and other funny jokes |
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Law Enforcement Joke
A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:Man: What's the problem officer?Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look. )Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look. )Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt. Man: Shut your mouth, woman!Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?Wife: No, only when he's drunk.
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Fishing Joke
What do naked fish play with ? Bare-a-cudas !
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Bar Joke - 2
A guy goes into a bar and says, 'Quick, gimme a beer before the trouble starts!' The barman looks around the sleepy bar, shrugs and hands the guy a bottle of beer. The guy drinks it fast. 'Quick! gimme another beer before the trouble starts!'The barman looks at the guy oddly but hands another beer to the guy. The guy drinks it fast. 'Quick another beer before the trouble starts!'The barman hands him another beer, with a frown on his face, but hands it over reluctantly. Again, the guy drinks it fast. 'Quick another beer before the trouble starts!'The barman replies, 'Look pal, exactly what trouble are you talking about?''I haven't got any money!'
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Law Joke
An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. 'Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me. '
At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, 'I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery. '
'Well, since we're confiding in each other,' said the doctor, 'I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000. '
The lawyer was aghast. 'I'm ashamed of both of you,' he exclaimed. 'I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000. '
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Baby Joke
Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's parents were very afraid that their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors. He said 'Now, son. . . that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears or I am really going to spank you when we get back home. ' 'I promise not to mention his ears at all' said Little Johnny. At the neighbors home, Little Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the baby's hand He looked at it's mother and said 'Oh What a Beautiful little baby'. The mother said 'Thank you very much, Little Johnny. ' He then said, 'this baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why. . . just look at his pretty little eyes. . . . Did his doctor say that he can see good?' The Mother said 'why, yes Johnny. . . his doctor said he has 20/20 vision. Little Johnny said 'well, its a darn good thing, cause he sure couldn't wear glasses!!!
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Strange Humor
Whats the most embrassing thing for a cheerleader?When she does the splits and 8 class rings fall out!
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Great Joke
What's 30 feet long and smells like urine?A country line dance at the nursing home!
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Dog Joke - 1
What did the dog use to make his kite? Flypaper.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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