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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of animated email jokes and other funny jokes |
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Computer Joke
TOP TEN NEW INTEL SLOGANS FOR THE PENTIUM 9. 9999973251 It's a FLAW, Dammit, not a Bug8. 9999163362 It's the new math 7. 9999414610 Nearly 300 Correct Opcodes 6. 9999831538 You Don't Need to Know What's Inside 5. 9999835137 Redefining the PC -- and Mathematics As Well 4. 9999999021 We Fixed It, Really 3. 9998245917 Division Considered Harmful2. 9991523619 Why Do You Think They Call It *Floating* Point? 1. 9999103517 We're Looking for a Few Good Flaws0. 9999999998 The Errata Inside
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Bumper Stickers - 7
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
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Various animal Joke
What's black and white, stinks and hangs from a line? A drip dry skunk.
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Political Joke
A tourist climbed out of his car in downtown Washington, DC. He saw a man standing near the curb, and asked, 'Listen, I'm going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?' 'What?' the man huffed. 'Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?' 'Well no, ' the tourist said, 'I didn't realize that. But listen, I'm really in a bind so I'm going to have to trust you anyway. '
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Gorilla Joke
What did the Gorilla do when he saw the sign, 'Clean Washroom'? He cleaned it!
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Job and Office Joke
Excerpts from actual letters sent to landlordsThe toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared. I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfires and burnt my knob off. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door. The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand? I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces. The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous. Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk? Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant. Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it. Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny color and not fit to drink. Would you please send a man to repair my downspout? I am an old-age pensioner and need it straight away. Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap? My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is getting too much. When the workmen were here, they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy.
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Music Joke
Q: How can you tell if a violin is out of tune? A: The bow is moving.
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Dead and dying Joke
What lies on the ground 100 feet up in the air and smells? A dead centipede.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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