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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of animated cartoon jokes and other funny jokes |
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Website Joke
Why do beavers spend a fortune on the Internet? They never want to log off.
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Miscellaneous Joke
A guy walks into a store and says to the managaer 'why doesn't your store have a name', the store manager says 'I haven't thought of one yet but I think u can help me, what's your girlfriend's name. ' The guy says 'Jenny' then the store owner says 'What's do you like most about Jenny' and the guysays 'her legs. ' So the store manager says 'ok that's what we'll call my store Jenny's Legs. Here's a coupon come back tomorrow morning and you can have a free drink. ' And the man says 'ok. 'The next day the man comes back to the store banging on the window yelling ' where's my free drink, where's my free drink!' Then a police officer comesup to him and says 'What are you doing?' and the guy says 'I'm waiting for Jenny's Legs to open up. '
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Kids Puns
Q: Which part of a vegetable can you not eat?A: The Wheelchair!
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Situations Humor
A college professor's going to bed with his wife. He's not that tired, so he's gonna stay awake and read while she goes to sleep. So he's reading, and every once in a while he reaches over and tickles her on the fun spot. . . 'Kitza kitza. . . 'She says, 'Will you stop that! Will you stop reaching over here and teasing me like that?'He says, 'I'm not teasing you. I'm wetting my fingers so I can turn the page. '
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Kids Joke
One of my first evenings back from overseas, my girl's understanding parents left us alone in the living room. Naturally, we did not talk all the time. In the midst of a kiss, I noticed her little sister in her nightgown watching us from the doorway. 'If you will be a good girl and go to bed, I will give you a quarter, ' I said to her. Without taking the bribe or saying a word, she ran off but soon was back again. 'Here is a dollar, ' she said. 'I wanna watch. '
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Funny Kids Joke
Where does a woodsman keep his pigs?In a hog cabin!What is the slowest racehorse in the world?A clotheshorse!Why do pigs never recover from illness?Because you have to kill them before you cure them!What do you call a pig who's been arrested for dangerous driving?A road hog!What do you call sheep that live together?Pen friends!What do you call a chicken in a shellsuit?An egg!What kind of things does a farmer talk about when he is milking cows?Udder nonsense!What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?Use a cowculator!What did the baby chick say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?'Dad, dad, look what marma-laid'!What's a cows favorite vegetable?A cowat!
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Military Joke
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the skies, Air defenses were up, with electronic eyes. Combat pilots were nestled in ready-room beds, As enemy silhouettes danced in their heads. Every jet on the apron, each SAM in its tube, Was triply-redundant, linked to the Blue Cube, And ELINT and AWACS gave coverage so denseThat nothing that flew could slip through our defense. When out of the klaxon arose such a clatterI dashed to the screen to see what was the matter;I increased the gain and then, quick as a flash, Fine-adjusted the filters to damp out the hash. And there found the source of the warning we'd heeded:An incoming blip, by eight escorts preceded. 'Alert status red!' went the word down the wire, As we gave every system the codes that meant 'FIRE!'On Aegis! Up Patriot, Phalanx and Hawk, And scramble our fighters--let's send the whole flock. Launch decoys and missiles, use chaff by the yard!Get the kitchen sink up! Call the National Guard!They turned toward the target, moved toward it, converged. Till the tracks on the radar all finally merged, And the sky was lit up with a demonic light, As the foe met his fate in the high arctic night. So we sent out some recon to look for debris, Yet all that they found, both on land and on seaWere some toys, a red hat, a charred left leather boot, Broken sleigh bells, white hair, and a deer's parachute. Now it isn't quite Christmas, with Saint Nick shot down. There are unhappy kids in each village and town. For the Spirit of Christmas can't hope to evadeAll the web of defenses we've carefully made. But a crash program's on: Working hard, night and day, All the elves are constructing a radar-proof sleigh. So let's wait for next Christmas, in cheer and in health, For the future has hope: Santa's coming by stealth!
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Law Enforcement Joke
Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, 'I hear sirens. Jump!' The second one said, 'But we're on the 13th floor!' The first one screamed back, 'This is no time to be superstitious. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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