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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of amusing t shirts and other funny jokes |
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Weather Joke
Why did the updraft get pulled over? -It was speeding in a high shear zone
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Law and Lawyer Joke
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. 'Isn't it true, ' he bellowed, 'that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?' The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't heard the question. 'Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?' the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, 'Sir, please answer the question. ' 'Oh, ' the startled witness said, 'I thought he was talking to you. '
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Bird Joke
What does an educated owl say? Whom.
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Horse Joke
Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude? He always said 'Neigh'
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Priceless Joke
How did the sand get wet?The sea weed!
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Weird Facts
There are more chickens than people in the world.
There are only four words in the English language which end in '- dous': tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
TYPEWRITER, is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself.
The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
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Bible Joke
A pastor in Maine skipped services one Sunday to go bear hunting. Along the trail he turned a corner and collided with a bear. thepastor stumbled, backwards, slipped off the trail, and begantumbling down the mountain, the bear in hot pursuit. Finally thepastor crashed into a bolder, breaking both his legs and sendinghis rifle flying through the air, just out of his reach. As the bear closed in, the pastor cried out 'Lord, I'm sorry forwhat I have done. Please forgive me and save me! - Lord pleasemake this bear a Christian'. Suddenly the bear skipped to a halt at the pastor's feet, fellto it's knees, clasped it's paws together, began to weep andsaid 'God bless this food which I am about to receive!'
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Satire Joke
Actual bloopers found on church bulletin boards:Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. Miss Charlene Mason sang, 'I Will Not Pass This Way Again, ' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Taylors. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time. The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict. The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus. Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons. The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church. Missionary from Africa speaking at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Name: Bertha Belch. Announcement: 'Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. 'Announcement in a church bulletin for a National Prayer & FastingConference: 'The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer conference includes meals. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p. m. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance. The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge, Now Up Yours!'The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm. Please use the rear entrance. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 pm in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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