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bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of algerian jokes and other funny jokes |
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Humor Joke
What's easier to make: a snowman or a snowwoman?A snowman is easier to make, 'cause with a snowwoman you have to hollow out the head and pack all that extra snow into balls to make her breasts!
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Fun Funny Joke
How do crazy people get through the forest?They take the psycho path.
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Food Joke
What happens if you play tabletennis with a bad egg? First it goes ping, then it goes pong.
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Bumper Stickers - 2
Beam me up Jesus.
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Bumper Stickers - 4
If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
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Old age Joke
A young woman on a rough Atlantic crossing was in her cabin undressing then suddenly she was overcome by sea sickness. In a panic she rushed into the corridor and headed for the bathroom. It was not until she collided with an elderly gentleman that she realized she didn't have a stitch of clothing on. Horrified, she let out a shriek. Her fellow sufferer looked at her sadly. 'Don't let it bother you, miss, ' he moaned. 'I'll never live to tell anyone. '
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Religion Joke
Knowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandy, one of the church elders offered to present him with a bottle on one consideration - that the pastor acknowledge receipt of the gift in the church paper. 'Gladly, ' responded the good man. When the church magazine came out a few days later, the elder turned at once to the 'appreciation' column. There he read: 'The minister extends his thanks to Elder Brown for his gift of fruit and for the spirit in which it was given. '
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Instrument Joke
Accent: An unusual manner of pronunciation, e. g. 'Y'all sang that real good!'Accidentals: Wrong notesAd Libitum: A premiere. Agitato: A string player's state of mind when a peg slips in the middle of a piece. Agnus dei: A famous female church composer. Allegro: Leg fertilizer. Altered Chord: A sonority that has been spayed. Atonality: Disease that many modern composers suffer from. The most prominent symptom is the patient's lacking ability to make decisions. Augmented fifth: A 36-ounce bottle. Bar Line: A gathering of people, usually among which may be found a musician or two. Beat: What music students to do each other with their musical instruments. The down beat is performed on the top of the head, while the up beat is struck under the chin. Bravo: Literally, 'How bold!' or 'What nerve!' This is a spontaneous expression of appreciation on the part of the concertgoer after a particularly trying performance. Breve: The way a sustained note sounds when a violinist runs out of bow. Broken consort: When somebody in the ensemble has to leave and go to the restroom. Cadence: When everybody hopes you're going to stop, but you don't. Cadenza: The heroine in Monteverdi's opera 'Frottola'. Cantus firmus: The part you get when you can only play four notes. Chansons de geste: Dirty songs. Chord: Usually spelled with an 's' on the end, means a particular type of pants, e. g. 'He wears chords. 'Chromatic Scale: An instrument for weighing that indicates half-pounds. Clausula: Mrs. Santa. Coloratura Soprano: A singer who has great trouble finding the proper note, but who has a wild time hunting for it. Compound Meter: A place to park your car that requires two dimes. Con Brio: Done with scouring pads and washboards. Conductor: A musician who is adept at following many people at the same time. Conductus: The process of getting Vire into the cloister. Counterpoint: A favorite device of many Baroque composers, all of whom are dead, though no direct connection between these two facts has been established. Still taught in many schools, as a form of punishment. Countertenor: A singing waiter. Crescendo: A reminder to the performer that he has been playing too loudly. Crotchet: 1) A tritone with a bent prong. 2) It's like knitting, but it's faster. 3) An unpleasant illness that occurs after the Lai, if prolation is not used. Cut time: When you're going twice as fast as everybody else in the ensemble. Da capo al fine: I like your hat!Detache: An indication that the trombones are to play with the slides removed. Di lasso: Popular with Italian cowboys. Discord: Not to be confused with Datcord. Drone: The sound of a single monk during an attack of Crotchet. Ductia: 1) A lot of mallards. 2) Vire's organum. Duration: Can be used to describe how long a music teacher can exercise self-control. Embouchre: The way you look when you've been playing the Krummhorn. English horn: A woodwind that got its name because it's neither English nor a horn. Not to be confused with French horn, which is German. Espressivo: Close eyes and play with a wide vibrato. Estampie: What they put on letters in QuebecFermata: A brand of girdle made especially for opera singers. Fermented fifth: What the percussion players keep behind the tympani, which resolves to a 'distilled fifth
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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