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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of after dinner speech jokes and other funny jokes |
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Village Idiot Joke
Eating with ChildrenA guy hosted a dinner party for people from work, including his boss. All during the sit-down dinner, the host's three-year-old girl stared at her father's boss sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food from staring. The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at him. He tried his best to just ignore her but, finally it was too much for him. He asked her, 'Why are you staring at me?'Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet for her response. The little girl said, 'My Daddy said you drink like a fish and I don't want to miss it!'
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Situation Joke
The world's greatest hypnotist is on stage in front of hundredsof people swinging a long chain with a watch on the end. He's saying, 'You're all in my power. . . you're all in my power. . 'Fifteen hundred people are going, 'Oooo. . . 'He starts to say it again, 'You're all in my. . . ', when heaccidentally drops the watch. He says, 'Shit. 'It took them two weeks to dig everybody out.
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Spoof Joke
After Christmas break, a teacher asked her young pupils to write an essay about how they spent their holidays. One small boy wrote the following:We always used to spend Christmas with Grandpa and Grandma. They used to live here in a big brick home, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They all live in little tin boxes. They ride on three-wheeled tricycles and they all wear name tags, because they don't know who they are. They go to a big building called a wrecked hall, but if it was wrecked, they got it fixed because it is alright now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very good. There is a swimming pool there. They go in it and just stand there with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim. As you go into their park, there is a doll house with a little man sitting in it. He watches all day so they can't get out without him seeing them. When they can sneak out they go to the beach and pick up shells that they think are dollars. My grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody cooks, they just eat out. They eat the same thing every night - early birds. Some of the people are so retarded they don't know how to cook at all, so my Grandma and Grandpa bring food into the wrecked hall and they call it 'Pot Luck'. My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life and earned his retardment. I wish they would move back up here, but I guess the little man in the doll house won't let them out.
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Yo momma Joke
Yo mama so short she poses for trophies!
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Simple Joke
Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there. Sometimes you want to express how stupid they really are and here's how. . . An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. As smart as bait. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash. Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor. Forgot to pay his brain bill. His belt doesn't go through all the loops. If he had another brain, it would be lonely. Missing a few buttons on his remote control. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse. Receiver is off the hook. Surfing in Nebraska. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. A few beers short of a six-pack. A few peas short of a casserole. The cheese slid off his cracker. Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear. Couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Bea ! Bea who ? Beacause I'm worth it !
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Instrument Joke
Q: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?A: Fifty. One to do it and the others to stand around and say, 'I could do that better. Q: What do lead trumpet players use for birth control?A: Their personality. Q: What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong?A: King Kong is more sensitive. Q: What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money. The best recording of the Haydn Trumpet Concerto is Music Minus One. Q: How to trumpet players traditionally greet each other?A: 'Hi. I'm better than you. 'Q: How do you know when a trumpet player is at your door?A: The doorbell shrieks!
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Monster Joke
How did Frankenstein's monster eat his lunch? He bolted it down.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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