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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of adult santa jokes and other funny jokes |
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Gorilla Joke
How come the giant Ape climbed up the side of the skyscraper? The elevator was broken!
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Money Joke
A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong. 'Ohhh, it's my girlfriend. ' 'What's the problem?' 'When I asked her if she could learn to love me, she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education. '
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Children Joke
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very smallboy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him toreach. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer tothe boys position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives thedoorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently andasks, 'And now what, my little man?'To which the boy replies, 'Now we run!'
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Dirty Joke
Q: Why do men have a hole in their penis? A: So they can think with an open mind.
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Love and Marriage Joke
Harry and his wife are driving in the country when he sees a sign that says, 'Cow For Sale. . . $5000. ' He pulls in and says to the farmer, 'There's no cow in the world worth five thousand dollars. ' The farmer says, Oh, yeah? Take a look at this. ' He lifts the cow's tail, and Harry sees the cow has a snatch just like a woman. Harry gets back in the car, turns to his wife, and says, 'It's just not fair. Here's this farmer with a cow with a snatch like a woman, and it's worth $'5000
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Horse Joke
MURPHY'S HORSE LAWS
There is no such thing as a sterile barn cat.
No one ever notices how you ride until you fall off.
The least useful horse in your barn will eat the most, require shoes every four weeks and need the vet at least once a month.
A horse's misbehavior will be in direct proportion to the number of people who are watching.
Your favorite tack always gets chewed on, and your new blanket gets torn.
Tack you hate will never wear out and blankets you hate cannot be destroyed.
Horses you hate cannot be sold and will outlive you.
Clipper blades will become dull when your horse is half clipped.
If you approach within 50 feet of your barn in clean clothes, you will get dirty.
The number of horses you own will increase to the number of stalls in your barn.
Your barn will fall down without baling twine.
Hoof picks always run a way from home.
If you fall off, you will land on the site of your most recent injury.
If you are winning, then quit, because there is only one way to go. Down!
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Celebrities Joke
Q: What's got 400 legs and no pubic hair?A: The front row of a Hanson concert
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Funny College Joke
Things you don't want to hear during surgery:1. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy. 2. Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop 3. 'Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness' 4. Spot! Spot! Comeback with that! Bad Dog! 5. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that? 6. Hand me that. . . uh. . . that uh. . . thingie. 7. Oh no! I just lost my Rolex. 8. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before? 9. Damn, there go the lights again. . . 10. 'Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of 'em. 11. Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!12. Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off. 13. Anyone see where I left that scalpel?14. I hope his family won't miss him15. And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape. 16. Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!17. Nurse, did this patient sign the organs donation card?18. Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough. 19. FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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