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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of adhd jokes and other funny jokes |
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Sports Humor
A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hoursto spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he wasabout to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked ifhe could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not beingable to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him. To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, 'You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree. 'With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originallylay. The old man offered one more comment, 'Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall. '
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Dumb Blonde Joke
Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A: Sooner or later they'll both end up in the gutter.
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Waiter Joke
Diner: Could I have a glass of water? Waiter: To drink? Diner: No, I want to rinse out a few things.
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Computers Joke
If Microsoft made toasters. . . Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buya toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'dstill have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), drawenough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of thespace in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toasterthat let's you control how light or dark you want your toastto be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances tofind out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good breadonly works with their toasters.
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Answer me this Joke
If buttered toast always lands buttered side down and a cat always lands on its feet, what would happen if you tied a pice of buttered toast on the back of a cat and dropped it?
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Bumper Stickers - 6
Thank You. . . YOU MAY GO!!
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Best Joke
Monica walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy: 'I've got another dress for you to clean. 'Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies, 'Come again?''No, ' says Monica. 'Mustard!'
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Bar Joke - 2
Top honors for 'Human Projectile of the Month' go to an as-of-yet unidentified dude who is also a serious contender for the annual 'Darwin Award'. That prestigious prize is given posthumously to the person who does the human gene pool the greatest service by removing himself from it in the most extraordinarily stupid fashion. Troopers from the Arizona Highway Patrol got on to this gallant if not brainless form of ballistic research after motorists reported some mysterious scorched and blackened scars on a stretch of deserted highway. The more officers found, the stranger the case got. Here is what they 'pieced' together: JATO units are basically huge canisters of solid rocket fuel used to achieve 'Jet Assisted Take Off', typically lifting big transport planes into the air from short, rough ground runways, or shooting overloaded planes from the decks of aircraft carriers. They were not, repeat NOT, designed to augment the inherent boost factor of a 1967 Chevy Impala. But it is guessed that -- let's call him 'Zippy' ---- didn't know that when he hooked one up to his ride. He apparently chose his runway carefully, selecting a nice long, lonely piece of straight highway in good repair. Not guessing that he might need a bit more than five miles of zoom surface, Zippy's test track had, that far down the track, a gentle rise on a sloping turn. He kicked the tire, lit the fire, ran his Chev up to top cruising speed, and hit the ignition. Investigators know exactly where this happened, judging from the extended patch of burned and melted asphalt. The pocket calculator boys figure Zip reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, punching the Chevy to 'well in excess of 350 miles per hour' and continued at 'full burn' for another 20 to 25 seconds. Early in that little sprint, at roughly 2. 5 miles down the road, the Human Hydro Shock stood on the brakes, melting them completely, blowing the tires and rapidly reducing all four skins to liquefied trails on the pavement. Remember that little rise on the turn? That's where Zippy concluded his land speed record attempt and went for airborne honors, ultimately reaching an altitude of 125 feet and still climbing when his flight was abruptly terminated. We'll never know how far or how high he might have gone. A cliff face of solid rock kind of got in his way, posing a serious reaffirmation of the law of physics vis-a-vis two chunks of matter cannot occupy the same space at the same time. He gave it hell though, blasting a 6-foot crater. The best modern forensic science could do was ID the car's make and model year. As for Zippy, only trace evidence of bone, teeth, and hair were found in the crater.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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