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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of a terribly strange bed and other funny jokes |
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Simple Joke
On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. 'I'm too young to die!' she wails. Then she yells, 'well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable!I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??'For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. 'I can make you feel like a woman, ' he says. He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:'WOMAN - Iron this shirt!'
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Medicine Joke
A man's wife had been in a coma for several days following a particularly nasty knock on the head. As usual, one of the nurses in the hospital was giving her a wash in bed. As she washed down the woman's body, she sponged her pubic hair. Out of the corner of her eye she thought she had seen the woman's eyebrows shudder. Not quite sure, she tried again. This time, she actually did see some movement. 'Doctor, Doctor, ' she called, 'I saw some movement!' The Doctor came in to the room and tried as well. Once more, they both saw movement around the woman's eyes. 'Well this is good news, ' said the Doctor. 'I think we should call her husband and let him know. ' Anyway, they called her husband and told him that they had seen some movement. When he arrived, they explained that by touching her pubic hair, they were seeing some sort of reaction in her facial muscles. The Doctor suggested that the husband may like to try something a little more adventurous in order to provoke a stronger reaction. 'I suggest that we leave the room and that you try a little oral sex, ' he said. The husband duly agreed and so he was left alone in the room. Several moments later, all the emergency alarms and buzzers were activated. The Doctor and a host of nurses ran in to the wife's room where they saw the husband zipping up his jeans. 'Oops, ' he said, 'I think I choked her. '
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Various animal Joke
Why did the gray whale go on a diet? Because he wasn't a Fin whale!
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Computers Joke
Software Development Process1) Order the T-shirts for the Development team2) Announce availability3) Write the code4) Write the manual5) Hire a Product Manager6) Spec the software (writing the specs after the code helps to ensure that the software meets the specifications)7) Ship8) Test (the customers are a big help here)9) Identify bugs as potential enhancements10) Announce the upgrade program
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Stupid Blonde Joke
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, 'shut up. . . you're next!'
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Simple Joke
Q: What is the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?A: Lipstick
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Law and Lawyer Joke
When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice. When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested, we call him a defense lawyer.
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Children Joke
Mum: How can you practice your trumpet and listen to the radio at the same time ? Son: Easy. I have two ears!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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