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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of 99 comedy club and other funny jokes |
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Bible Joke
A Baptist missionary was walking in Africa when he heard the ominous padding of a lion behind him. 'Oh Lord, ' prayed the missionary, 'Grant in Thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion. ' And then, in the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion praying too: 'Oh Lord, ' he prayed, 'I thank Thee for the food which I am about to receive. '
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Love and Marriage Joke
The angry wife met her husband at the door. His breath stunk of alcohol and his face was plastered with lipstick. 'I assume, ' she barked, 'there is a very good reason for you to come drifting in at six o'clock in the morning?' 'There is!' he replied, 'Breakfast. '
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Law Joke
What's the difference between a lawyer and a snake?
When you run over a snake, you don't back up to make sure it's dead.
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Elephant Joke
Tarzan was tired when he came home. 'What have you been doing', asked Jane. 'Chasing a herd of elephants on vines' 'Really ?', said Jane. 'I thought elephants stayed on the ground !'
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Insect Joke
How do you start an insect race ? One, two, flea - go
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Short Stupid Joke
The Universal Excuse Form is designed to get you out of the trouble that you may have encountered. Whenever there's a multiple choice, pick the one that works best for your situation and use it. You'll be surprised how effective this form can be!========================================================Deara) Momb) Dadc) love of my lifed) Assistant Principale) Local Police Chief, f) Near & dear friendWords cannot begin to express how sorry I am that youra) Carb) Housec) Petd) Espresso makere) Left armf) Snow Mobilewas severely damaged by mya) infantileb) puerilec) ineptd) comically brilliant but nonetheless sadistice) woefully under appreciated prank. How could I have known that thea) carb) jet skic) large helium balloond) rodent driven sledgee) Zambonif) Ski DooI was riding in would go so far out of control? And while it is true that I should not have pointed it in the direction of youra) houseb) wifec) Mistressd) Cub Scout troope) 1/16th sized replica of the Statue of Liberty, complete with lightbulb in the torchf) priceless collection of Rolling Rock beer cans, you must understand that it was all meant in fun. The subsequent carnage that I caused is beyond my ability toa) imagineb) fathomc) comprehendd) appreciatee) pay forand I must therefore humbly ask your forgiveness. I know that you are perfectly within your rights toa) hate meb) sue mec) spank med) take my firstborne) gouge out my eyes with spoons and feed them to the fish in your koi pondf) just shoot mebut I ask you to remember all the good times we've had, joking around ata) schoolb) workc) churchd) the bowling alleye) the municipal jailand to remember that I am first and foremost youra) friendb) childc) siblingd) lease co-signere) only possible match should you ever need a bone marrow transplant. I think that counts for more than one prank, especially one thata) was so stupidb) was so sillyc) would have been funny if it workedd) you would have done, if you had thought of it firste) I'm going to use again on someone else. Sincerely, Me
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Politics Humor
Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the pathof a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. 'Give me yourmoney', he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, 'Hey, watch it - I'm a UnitedStates Congressman!' 'In that case, ' replied the mugger, 'give me MY money. '
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Joke for Speeches
One can pity the father with three kids in college. He tells his wife that they are getting poorer by degrees.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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