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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of 50th birthday party jokes and other funny jokes |
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Food and Drink Joke
I went to see my doctor to see if he could help me give up smoking. What did he say? He suggested that every time I felt like a smoke I should reach for a bar of chocolate. Did that do any good? No - I can't get the chocolate to light.
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Bible Joke
Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a headcovering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrivedwithout her head covering. The priest informs her that she cannot enter without it. A few moments later, the lady re-appears wearing her blouse tied toher head. The shocked priest says, 'Madam, I cannot allow you toenter this holy place without your wearing a blouse. ' 'But Father, I have a divine right, ' she informs. 'Yes, I see. And your left one isn't bad either, but you still must wear a blouse to enter *this* church!' he insists.
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Math Joke
When Noah's ark had finally come to a rest on top of mount Ararat, and when the waters had receded, Noah and his family - along with all the animals - left the ark, and God told them to be fruitful and multiply upon the earth.
But after all those months under deck on an overcrowded ark, none of the animals was in the mood for sex anymore.
Noah, who knew all too well what God could do in his wrath if his creatures were disobedient, got desperate.
So, he tore down one of the ark's masts, cut it into pieces, and built a table out of the logs. Then he told one of the snakes to perform a lascivious dance on top of the table and made all the other animals gather around it. After a while the snake's seductive moves showed an effect: One animal after the other started rocking in the rhythm of the snake's dance, and one after the other sneaked off with its mate to more private places. . . Finally, the dancing snake and her mate were all alone, and they too disappeared.
And Noah was pleased that God's will would be heeded.
Q: What does this story from the book of Genesis teach us about math?
A: When you have to multiply, all you need are a log table and an adder!
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Religious Joke
Q. Where is the first baseball game in the Bible? A. In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
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Office Humor
He Said. . . She Said:He said. . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She said. . . You wear briefs, don't you?He said. . . Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune? She said. . . Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money. He said. . . 'This coffee isn't fit for a pig!'She said. . . 'No problem, I'll get you some that is. 'She said. . . What do you mean by coming home half drunk?He said. . . It's not my fault. . . I ran out of money. He said. . . Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way. She said. . . Well, you succeeded. Priest. . . 'I don't think you will ever find another man like your late husband. 'She said. . . 'Who's gonna look?'He said. . . You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?She said. . . No, have you?He said. . . Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?She said. . . Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind. He said. . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?She said. . . Turn sideways and look in the mirror. He said. . . Let's go out and have some fun tonight. She said. . . Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
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Burger Joke
What song do burgers sing on the job? Gristle While You Work!
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Biologist Joke
A biologist was interested in studying how far bullfrogs can jump. He brought a bullfrog into his laboratory, set it down, and commanded, 'Jump, frog, jump!' The frog jumped across the room. The biologist measured the distance, then noted in his journal, 'Frog with four legs jumped eight feet. ' Then he cut the frog's front legs off. Again he ordered, 'Jump, frog, jump!' The frog struggled a moment, then jumped a few feet. After measuring the distance, the biologist noted in his journal, 'Frog with two legs jumped three feet. ' Next, the biologist cut off the frog's back legs. Once more, he shouted, 'Jump, frog, jump!' The frog just lay there. 'Jump, frog, jump!' the biologist repeated. Nothing. The biologist noted in his journal, 'Frog with no legs - lost its hearing. '
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Vampire.
Vampire who?
Vampire state building is very big!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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