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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of 1933 laurel and hardy comedy and other funny jokes |
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Dumb Joke
Outside a pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching onto a pole for dear life - not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle - just standing there, frozen. The pharmacist, seeing this strange sight in front of his shop, goes up to his assistant and asks, 'What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?'Assistant replies, 'Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help. 'Pharmacist says, 'He seems to be fine now. 'Assistant replies, 'Sure, he is. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives on the market. . . Now he won't dare cough!'
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At Work Joke
God Meets BureaucracyIn the beginning God Created heaven and the earth. Quickly he was facedwith a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impactstatement. He was granted a temporary permit for the project, but wasstymied with the Cease and Desist order for the earthly part. Appearing atthe hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the firstplace. He replied that he just liked to be creative. Then God said, 'Let there be light. ' Officials immediately demanded toknow how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What aboutthermal pollution? God explained that the light would come from a huge ballof fire. God was granted provisional permission to make light, assumingthat no smoke would result from the ball of fire, that he would obtain abuilding permit, and (to conserve energy) would have the light out half thetime. God agreed and said he would call the light 'Day' and the darkness'Night. ' Officials replied that they were not interested in semantics. God said, 'Let the earth bring forth green herb and such as manyseed. 'The EPA agreed so long as native seed was used. Then God said, 'Let watersbring forth creeping creatures having life; and the fowl that may fly overthe earth. ' Officials pointed out this would require approval from theDepartment of Game coordinated with the Heavenly Wildlife Federation andthe Audubongelic Society. Everything was OK until God said he wanted to complete the project in sixdays. Officials informed him it would take at least 200 days to review theapplication and the environmental impact statement. After that there would be a public hearing. Then there would be 10-12 months before. . . At this point God created Hell.
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Strange Humor
15 actual announcements taken from church bulletins:1. Don't let worry kill you- let the church help. 2. Thursday night- potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. 3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. 4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery upstairs. 5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer. 6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. 7. Tuesday at 4:00 p. m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early. 8. Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing 'Put me in my little bed' accompanied by the pastor. 9. Thursday at 5:00 p. m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study. 10. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter. 11. The service will close with 'Little Drops of Water. ' One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in. 12. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so. 13. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday. 14. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. 15. At the evening service tonight the sermon topic will be 'What is hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Vampire Joke
What do you call a vampire that can lift up cars ? Jack-u-la !
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Funny Joke - 50 best Joke
Three men: an editor, a photographer, and a journalist are covering a political convention in Miami. They decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says 'Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish. ' The photographer went first. 'I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries. ' The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas. The journalist went next. 'I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries. ' The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean. Last, but not least, it was the editor's turn. 'And what would your wish be?' asked the genie. 'I want them both back after lunch' replied the editor, 'the deadline for tomorrow's newspaper is in about ten hours.
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Weather Joke
Years ago, Nebraskans got tired of leaning into the wind, having their top soil blown away, and chickens laying their eggs two and three times. Seems the wind continually came down from Canada, and there was nothing between Canada and Nebraska to stop it. The farmers all got together and decided to build a fence across the North Border of the State of Nebraska. . . . the idea being, to stop that cold wind. It might've worked, too. The barbed wire they used was strong enough, . but the real problem was that a couple owners of farms on the upper boarder kept leaving their gates open.
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Music Joke
Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn? A: Stick your hand in the bell and play lots of wrong notes.
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Situations Humor
A new American ambassador was being entertained by an African diplomat. They'd spent the day discussing what the country had received from theRussians before the new government kicked them out. 'The Russians builtus a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus, we learned to drinkvodka and play Russian roulette. 'The American frowned. 'Russian roulette's not a very nice game. ' Thediplomat smiled. 'That's why we developed African roulette. If youwant to have good relations with our country, you'll have to play. 'I'll show you how. 'He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later, six magnificently built, nudewomen were ushered in. 'You can choose any one of those women to giveyou oral sex, ' he told the American. 'That's great, ' the ambassador said, 'but it doesn't seem much likeRussian roulette. ''Oh, it is. One of them is a cannibal. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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